I am aged 25 and dating a 28-year-old woman who is the mother of two children. We have dated for about a year and are so in love that we have decided to move in, but there is the small matter of age. Would you advise me to marry this woman, who is three years older than me and is already a mother of two?
I am aged 25 and dating a 28-year-old woman who is the mother of two children. We have dated for about a year and are so in love that we have decided to move in, but there is the small matter of age.
Would you advise me to marry this woman, who is three years older than me and is already a mother of two?
Relationships are more complicated than those who enter into them sometimes ever imagine. So, the two of you have dated for a year or so? Whether this is enough to give you the necessary knowledge and wisdom to enter into marriage is up to you to decide, but I know so well that marriage requires that we put in place a strong foundation on which to build the relationship.
Generally, there is nothing wrong with a man marrying an older woman, and I am encouraged by the fact that you have stated that your desire is to move in with your heart-throb and get married legally.
I hope, though, that I understand well what you are telling us. Moving in together appears to me to be your first step, followed by the legalising phase of the marriage. I really do not know why you would choose to go down this route.
However, the Constitution gives you various options on how to marry this woman, besides the dictates of your faith and beliefs. Still, I am of the opinion that moving in to see if you are fit for each other is not only selfish, but also the wrong way to establish a marriage.
In addition, you need not waste each other’s time, hopes and future. Everyone wanting to get married needs to first be sure of what he or she wants in a relationship. People use the route of ‘moving in together’ selfishly sometimes. It may be used because of the fear of the unknown, a lack of readiness to take responsibility, or just a desire to take advantage of the other person.
Some claim legalising their marriage is expensive, and so they need to live together first as they save for the ceremony, but many have burnt their fingers in the process. It is very easy to jump ship when things get crazy. After all, you just “moved in”, right?
And do you know that you can actually solemnise your marriage and make it legal without having to spend a fortune, other than paying the statutory fees? I have helped couples cut their wedding costs, or even do away with weddings altogether. I have even wedded couples in my private office! And you, FK, just want to “move in”?
On the small matter of age and children, I throw the question back to you. What do you think? Most importantly, how do you feel about it? If you are all for it, I say go for it!