Dear Eve, Jack
I have a problem with my penis; it is too small, length is short also, so please what can I do to make my member bigger? Please help me, I am not happy. Thank you.
My husband does not perform well in bed. His penis is very small. When I tell him, he claims I am a prostitute. Please help me.
Dear Jack and Carol,
Thank you for writing to me. Although you are two different writers, I decided to answer you both in this column because it seems your problems are being caused by a small penis. First things first: many men have at one point or another worried that their penis was smaller; one study found that almost half (45 per cent) of their male participants had this concern. However, study after study has shown that majority of these men actually do not have a small penis so let us talk some facts and figures.
In addition, majority of women are actually satisfied with their partner’s penis size. One study put this number at 85 per cent. Carol, that would put you in the 15 per cent who do not feel sexually satisfied by their partner’s penis size. The average penis length ranges from 3.5 – 5.1 inches or 8.9 – 12.9 centimeters. As you look at these figures, I wonder if you still think that ‘your’ penis is small? Is it possible that you have developed a worry that is neither based on research nor reality? Even if you do have a smaller-than-average penis, there are a few things you should keep in mind. The first is that there is really nothing you can do to change the length or girth of your penis. That means acceptance of the body that you were born with is key especially because there really isn’t anything to be done.
I am aware of many products available in the market that purport to increase penile length or girth but please do not be fooled or you could end up damaging your body and then you will not have any penis at all. At the least, if you’re still concerned then please see a urologist who can examine you and then give a recommendation.
If you find that you’re still struggling with this issue, I would encourage you to explore within yourself as to why this has such a hold on you. This exercise wouldn’t be about chiding you into accepting a part of your biological make up but more about helping you better understand the meanings that you are making out it. In other words, what does having a big penis mean to you to the extent that it would continue to affect you?
Carol, the answer to this question might give a good indication as to why your partner would call you a prostitute out of frustration over his own unsatisfactory sexual performance. You may not ever know the answer but my hope is that he will.
In terms of any concerns regarding sexual performance with a man who has a small penis, I would like to assure you that good, satisfactory sex is possible – and happening globally – even as you read this. Sex isn’t just about sexual intercourse, and even if it was, there are so many things a couple can do to increase their sexual pleasure regardless of having a partner with a small penis.
One thing to remember at all times is that women are biologically wired to experience sexual pleasure in many different ways. Furthermore, a woman’s anatomy allows for full sexual pleasure even without the presence of a large penis.
Of particular advantage to a male partner with a small penis is this: the first 1 – 3 inches into a woman’s vagina is the most sensitive part. As if that wasn’t enough, a woman’s G-spot is located about 2 – 3 inches in. This means penetration can occur even if a man’s penis is smaller than average. Speaking of blame, Carol, it’s unclear why your husband would accuse you of being a prostitute based on what sounds like a sexually unsatisfactory aspect of your relationship. My best guess is that he feels insecure and inadequate and projects his frustrations on to you. My suggestion is that you leave out any discussions of penis size and instead focus on what you want to try. However, if the verbal abuse continues, please consider seeing a therapist who is qualified to help you through this season of your relationship. In addition, be careful to build your self esteem from the inside out so that it doesn’t get damaged by accusations of prostitution.
Remember that sexual intercourse is not the only way to enjoy your sex life with your partner. If you – or your partner has a small penis, take it as a challenge to see how many other positions you can try. You both get to decide on what other forms of sexual stimulation you can try together; oral sex, sex toys, mutual masturbation...the possibilities are literally endless. Make this a couple’s project for both of you rather than a shameful experience that you suffer through. This will be far much more likely to lead to a more satisfactory outcome than blaming yourself or your partner. I wish you the best and satisfactory sex.
Maggie Gitu is a marriage, family and sex therapist (MAMFT). Reach her on: email@example.com or on her Facebook page: Maggie Gitu.