Marriage is a serious commitment.
Marriage is a serious commitment.
You’re basically saying you want to spend the rest of your life with this one person.
They’ll satisfy all of your needs, and whatever life may throw at you both, you’ll weather the storm and get through it together.
If you have found that soulmate, then that’s great – off you go down the aisle to say ‘I do’.
But if you’ve not had much relationship experience, then hold your horses.
Don’t accept that ring you are being offered, don’t say ‘I do’ to anybody, and get back into the world of casual flings and sex with people you’ve met through dating apps.
Saving yourself for marriage is a concept I can understand and respect – and fair play to those that can do so and have a successful marriage.
But it’s beneficial to enter into a relationship with The One knowing that you’ve experienced a range of situations, had your heart broken a few times, maybe dumped a few people – how else will you know what you truly need from a partner, and what you can give them in return?
Here are the six types of relationship I believe you need to have experienced before you even consider marriage.
The long-distance relationship
Long distance relationships can happen in a range of circumstances. Maybe you’ve had to move away for a new job, and your partner can’t come with you for a while. Perhaps you met online and you need to see if you’re going to work out before one of you moves closer to the other.
Either way, some relationships will consist primarily of Whatsapps, Skype calls, and scrolling through all the photos you took the last time you were together, with a dopey smile on your face.
LDRs can teach you a lot. They test your trust levels – you’re being trusted not to see anyone else, and the same goes for them.
They increase your communication skills – if there are any issues, you need to be able to talk to your partner openly and honestly in order to iron them out.
They make you appreciate the other person more – yes, you miss them every day, but it just makes seeing them in person so much better.
The Tinder relationship
- Selling yourself in a few short paragraphs online isn’t easy – but give it a go
Sometimes you’ll match with someone on a dating app, and the chat won’t be sh*t, for once.
You’ll actually end up getting to know each other, no dodgy genitalia pics will get exchanged, and before you know it, one of you have blurted out ‘So do you want to get a drink sometime?’
The date has been set, you tell your friend where you’ll be, and tell them to call the police if you don’t message them after an hour because ‘Mike, 28’ was really ‘Bob, 50’ and he’s actually a serial killer.
Fortunately, you’ve not been catfished, and your date is exactly who they said they were.
You have decent chat, one thing leads to another, and you end up going back to their place.
After that, the chat may fizzle out, you could meet up once or twice more, or you could end up meeting your fiance through the app – however it turns out, meeting someone through Tinder should definitely be experienced.
The Friends With Benefits relationship
It’s the sort of relationship you just… fall into, without thinking about it.
One night you’re sat watching Netflix together, like you have every other time you’ve hung out.
But this time you can feel a little tension in the air.You sneak a glance at them. They can feel it, too. Before you know it, you’re both naked.
There are a few things that could happen after you’ve done the deed with your friend.
You could act like it never happened – continue to be friends, with nothing else going on.
However, you may have discovered you liked what happened – and so it ends up happening again.
This could progress into a relationship after a while, as you both figure you may as well make it official .It could just fizzle back into friendship again.
Or, if one of you catches feels and the other doesn’t, the friendship may fade away, too.
These are the scenarios – pursue them at your own risk.
But definitely take that risk at some point.
The one night stand
There will be some who say they will only have ‘proper’ relationships where you get to know the person first, find out what their favourite colour is, go out on a date or two, then eventually end up in the bedroom.
Well, I say it’s good for you to have at least one time in your life where you’re in a club and your eyes meet with the guy or girl across the room.
You don’t know who they are. You don’t ask them their name. Somehow, you end up in the back of a taxi. Then you fall into their bedroom.
The next morning, you turn over, realise you don’t recognise the bedsheets you’re sleeping in, and see a stranger snoring next to you, your outfit lying discarded on the floor.
You sneak out of the room, order an Uber, and smile to yourself, because for the first time in 6 months, you didn’t go home to a bowl of cereal and Netflix – you had SEX. With an actual PERSON.
There’s a spark. It’s convenient. They’re just…there, you know? It works.
Whether you just slip down to the pub after work or sidle into their room of an evening, it’s not that hard to stumble into a casual relationship with someone you see most days of the week – and the arrangement couldn’t be simpler.
Problems may arise if the relationship ends on bad terms – maybe your work buddy was buddies with more than just you and you had no idea, or perhaps you met someone else you want to date and it’s suddenly become awkward every time you walk into the kitchen and see your ex-lover making toast.
However, these experiences are part of the rich tapestry of life, and hey, you’d always wonder what could have been if you never gave it a go, right?
The older man/woman
There are many things you can learn from having an older man or woman around.
Not only can they provide you with a wiser perspective on a range of topics, from wine to literature, they’ve also got more experience in the bedroom, so they could probably teach you a thing or two.
There are many couples who are decades apart in age – as long as they’re happy, age is just a number (as long as it’s legal, obviously).Whether you end up spending the rest of your life with your older man or woman, or the relationship ends up fizzling out, it’s worth exploring this relationship – and at least some of the others I’ve mentioned – before you walk down the aisle and commit yourself to one person forever.