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How to Keep the spark alive in YOUR relationship

Most couples fall into a routine around the two year mark, and with it comes a fall out of love and intimacy, a new study suggests.


Australia’s leading sex toy retailer, Lovehoney, surveyed 4,500 people about their sexual fantasies and found a surprising number of men and women fantasize about having sex with an ex-partner.

International sex expert Tracey Cox said while the majority of answers in the survey showed a desire for intimacy with our current partners, keeping a healthy sexual life long-term requires effort.

’Fantasies allow monogamous couples to get all the pleasure of ’new’ sex without the pain of broken hearts and relationship,’ she said.

Tracey said the best way to save a relationship that might be lacking in the intimacy department is to go away for a weekend every six weeks.

’It doesn’t need to be expensive, just get you out of your usual environment where all the problems are (work, money, kids, stress),’ she said.

’Make a pact with other couples to take turns and look after each other’s kids and if a weekend is too ambitious, aim for one night, once a month in a decent hotel nearby.’
Having fun is what ignites that first spark in many relationships, so it’s important to keep that fun alive!

’Once people decide they’re serious about each other, they start getting serious about life: get a mortgage, have kids,’ Tracey said.

’The relationship moves from ‘fun’ to ‘functional’: we stop concentrating on the relationship and concentrate on work and money.’

’Get into the habit of planning at least two new activities to do together a month: theatre, a show, trying new restaurants, watching films.’

Acting on the thought of sex sound obvious, but how many of us have left it at a passing thought?

’Studies show the more time that passes between having an idea and following up on it, the more likely you are to lose motivation,’ Tracey said.

While long-term love is no doubt a wonderful feeling, lust is delirious.

’Lust is primitive, wild and edgy. We need risk and a hint of danger to continue to see our partners as sexual beings,’ Tracey said.

The sex expert suggested couples make time for adrenaline boosting activities to help them feel ’lustier and more in love’.

So do anything that slightly freaks you out – sky-dive, book a day driving on a race track, ride a pushbike through traffic, kick-box, play fight, jump on a roller coaster, wear your hot pink skyscraper wedges to the office. Anything that shakes you both up a bit!’

While being loved and committed to each other is a great way to feel connected, sex still plays a vital role in maintaining a healthy relationship.

’Aim for 10 minutes a few times a week and one longer session (even 30 minutes works) once a fortnight. That’s even less time than watching one hour-long TV show a week,’ Tracey suggests.

It doesn’t have to be a prepared setting or a wildly romantic gesture either: a long kiss goodnight and a passionate embrace might be enough to reignite that spark.

Lastly, think of your sex life as a bank account.

’You need to make regular deposits to keep the balance healthy,’ Tracey said.

If you’ve taken that weekend off or asked your parents to mind the kids for a weekend of passion, your bank balance is ’nicely topped up.

’But if you haven’t made a deposit for six weeks or more, that balance is getting dangerously low.’

Mwiza Rita

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